your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My dick has a subreddit
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
