He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
