My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
