I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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