I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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