I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
