the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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