it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
