I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
