Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
