I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
