Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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