is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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