I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize