U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
