Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
