i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
