Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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