At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
