Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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