Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
