im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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