Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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