Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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