If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
