i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
