tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm both gender and math confused
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
