I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize