and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
