So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
