I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
