I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
