She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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