Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
