I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
