He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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