just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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