I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
