we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
