WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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