i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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