So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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