4 words: hood of his car
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
