It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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