singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
