i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
