drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize