mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
