I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize