Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
