He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
