both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
