we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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