Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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