there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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