why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
