Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
