We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
