I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
