yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
