I'm sorry my penis didn't work
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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