I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
