This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
