I have demons in me.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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