I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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