i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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