Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
