I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
