just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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