Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
