I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
