If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
