can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
