no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
